And here I want to let it all out.
The breastfeeding... geez, breastfeeding through the first few weeks was a real challenge. It's funny how during my pregnancy, feeding my baby is the one thing I was looking forward to. The closeness, the intimacy, the bonding. But when I had my try on it? Oh my, to say it was a challenge is an understatement. It was more than a challenge to me, the combination of a painful breasts, stitches wound and the waking-up-every-one-or-two-hours-in-the-night really what made it so, so tough. I lost count on how many times I wanted to just give up and stop breastfeeding altogether. Often, during the night, I got a panic attack when I imagined I had to do this for at least a year! A one bloody year of painful breasts and the lack of sleep! The only thing that keeps me going till now is how baby E would smile in his sleep after each feeding and that exactly is my reward. Once I saw his smile, all the pain went away :D Though at times I dreaded the time when baby E woke up from sleep. Got fever multiple times because of engorgement. Electric breast pump was a real life saver back then. Seriously. When you have engorgement or milk blister, you wouldn't want your baby to suck on it. I certainly won't after I knew what it felt like, a searing and shooting pain. So, expressing milk is a great solution.
Well, it wasn't until more than a month later that I could say I enjoy my breastfeeding sessions. Now I'm glad I persevered through all that.